A Year in the Sandbox

It seems that very seldom in the last 26 years have I set a goal and accomplished it in a reasonable amount of time.  I say this not as a complaint, but merely an observation.  The last 26 years have been full...extremely full... and I have spent them doing the only thing I ever really wanted to do and that was to be a wife and a mother.

I have done various other things along the way,

 but none of them have been more important

than my husband and my children. 

 On both accounts I have been excessively blessed.
 

A little over a year ago I started this little blog and my goals were simple... 
 

I wanted to complete fifty-two blogs in a year (ish).   Check.    I wanted to share our life with Scotty and hopefully be an inspiration to others who are struggling in a life, like ours, much different than the one they imagined.  Check.   If I could be of comfort to just one person I would consider it  a success.  Check.   And lastly, in some secret way I wanted someone (and by someone I mean an editor from a major publishing company) to find my blog and say, "Why do we not have a book published by this incredibly talented writer?  Contact her immediately!!" Alright, I knew that wasn't going to happen, but a girl can dream right?
 

But the point is I finished.  In the midst of this wild and crazy life I was able to find a few moments each week to put my fingers to the keyboard and in a somewhat comprehensible way write about our journey with Scotty.  My grammar and syntax are atrocious and in desperate need of editing, but my sentiments are heartfelt.
 

When I started Sandbox Moments I really had no idea what direction it would take.  Humbly, I realized very early that God had taken over my blog and any praise was His and not mine.  Each week I sat in front of the computer with an inkling of what I wanted to write about but, more often than not I was guided in a completely different direction.  I never failed to be surprised at the finished product.  Thoughts whispered in my heart became the focus of each of my inklings. Each post was  richer and more meaningful than anything I could have written alone.   Just as God's constant presence is woven into the fabric of our life...I see his words intertwined with mine on every page of this blog.

And I am sure of this,

that he who began a good work in you

will bring it to completion
at the day of Jesus Christ.

 Philippians 1:6

I have learned a few things along the way.  We are not alone on our journey.  We were not singled out.  We are not special.  We are not unique.  We are not extraordinary.  I have learned that every person I meet has their own personal cross to bear...a heaviness that slows their steps...a burden that causes their heart to ache...something that makes them feel alone. 

I have learned that this family and this life along with all its trials and blessings are all part of God's plan just for us.  We have two choices.  We can let the weight of the cross crush us or we can rely on God's strength to help us shoulder the burden.  There really is only one answer.

In the past year nothing about our life has changed, but I have changed. For me this blog has been healing and restorative.  Each week as I contemplated different material I found myself becoming more aware of all the small blessings in our otherwise chaotic world.  I was able to step back and observe instead of being consumed by the daily stresses and catastrophes.  I have grown stronger and so has my faith.

♥Thank You♥

Scotty and I want to thank everyone who stumbled into the sandbox and to those who came here on purpose I want to express my heartfelt thanks. Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, your encouragement and kind words.

 Above all I want to thank all the families who have shared their stories with me and have given me a safe place to vent, to cry, to laugh and to share this crazy life we have in common.  I am beyond grateful to find kinship with families around the world who are like us...sharing their lives with an angel.

  He who receives this child
in my name receives me.

Luke 9:48

Most people never know the impact they have on others and I feel very honored that for just a moment and in some small way I was able to make a difference.  Here are just a few of the many comments I have received.

Google helped me stumble upon your blog and I would like to say I was truly inspired and uplifted. 
You are right about how God places people in our lives at just the right moment...
I believe that your words were placed in my path this evening.

Thanks for sharing your moment because it helped me remember about my own.

God has used your eloquent words to lift my broken spirit and strengthen my heart.

Your prose reaches out and wraps itself around this mother's
heart in a way that only kindred souls can connect.

I just stumbled across your blog...
your writing seems to come from my heart through your hand.

Here are links to a few of my favorite posts from the past year.

Carrying the Cross   This is by far my personal favorite

Burnt Toast and Dandelions

On My Knees

I'm Gonna Need A New Pair of Shoes

The Dot Dot Dot

Moments of Impact

It's Just Jello

And this one is my all time favorite and I didn't write it. 

 It was written by my sweet daughters for Mother's day when they hijacked my blog♥

Meet our Mom







When I Grow Up..

 ...there's so much I wanna do!

"I want to join the circus or,

 be the dog whisperer,

a vampire,

a snake wrangler,

a helicopter pilot,

 a Catholic priest,

 a musician,

a fireman, 

a Superhero,

 

a photographer,

Or...

and this one is the best...

drum roll please...

Scotty Baston Rodeo Rider!"

 Scotty Baston

Surely, if Scotty had his wish,
and the roll of the genetic dice had been different...
I am certain that he would have chosen 
one of the above professions.

Not a day goes by that he doesn't loudly and repetitively
express his desire to participate in all of the above.
Did I mention repetitively?
Sunup to Sundown...
All day...
Everyday...
On a loop...
Over and over...
Without taking a breath.
I on the other hand take many, many
 many long, slow, deep breaths!

So we try very hard to make all his wishes come true.   

Last weeks wish was
a trip to the Stockshow and Rodeo...YeeHa! 

 
In taking Scotty on these outings of his dreams, 
we have learned a few things.

1.  Just because he gets his wish it does not in 
any way remove it from his litany of daily requests...
AT ALL!
In fact, it escalates his demands
and he doubles up on his requests... 
it is hard to believe  that it is even
humanly possible to fit anymore demands into the loop.

2.  We need to come up with a new sign for rodeo...and fast!

Scotty makes up most of his signs and this
 "crotch grabber" has got to go!
I know he is imitating the bull riders but...

 

3.  Perhaps we need to face the reality that 
he is much too old and too manly to go 
into the petting zoo anymore.
Somehow it just seems a bit inappropriate
for him to run up to two year olds
grabbing his crotch and
yelling his version of the word rodeo in their faces.  

  And lastly, no matter how excited he is or how much fun he had,
 and even though he told us he was finished...
he will ALWAYS make a spectacle of himself when we leave.  

And by spectacle I mean an all out sit down strike
in the aisle kicking and yelling and refusing to move.  
No amount of bribery could budge his butt 
from the sticky cement floor.

After 11 hours...Steve finally pulled, yanked and slid 
him down 5000 steps and out the door.
Okay maybe it was only 10 minutes and maybe there 
were only about 20 steps, but
when the entire arena is watching 
and I am sure judging
it seemed like time was actually standing still.

Scotty had a great day...
Steve and I on the other hand 
were comatose for a week.

Thankfully, the Stockshow only comes around once a year,
so we have an entire year to recover. 

So Stockshow...

Oh crap...did I just see a commercial for the circus???????

 

Shifting Perspectives

If you change the way you look at things,

the things you look at change.

Wayne Dyer

My quest to fulfill my resolution this year 

to live quietly in the moment,

has led me to some fascinating realizations.

I am filled anew with awe

for this boy of ours whom God has so purposefully

and so perfectly created.

In my desire to find a lighter,

mellower version of myself,

there has been a shift in my perspective.

There is nothing to account for this shift...

Scotty hasn't changed...

None of his shenanigans have changed..

Only I have changed, 

or rather my focus has changed.

It is easy to miss the extraordinary

when looking through the haze of chaos.

But it is there...
 just beyond the misty vapor

of commotion and clutter.

For me it is a purposeful shift...

an intentional change of perspective.

It is a focus on something other than the obvious.

 I am usually too

wrapped up in the turmoil of our life

to clearly see all of God's hard work
in our life and in this boy.

So often we have been told that we are special
and how lucky Scotty is that
God chose us to be his parents.
I have never believed that for a second.
We are not the special ones.

It is Scotty.
He is the special one.
It has always been Scotty.
We are the lucky ones to be close enough
to be warmed by the light of God
that shimmers around him.

I am trying very hard everyday to focus on the light.
It is not always easy.
Sometimes I have to squint, or tilt my head,
and sometimes I have to rub my eyes really, really hard
in order to bring the blurry image into focus.

Scotty remains the same.

Our reality is the same.

Nothing has changed.

The only shift has been in my ability to see through

all the craziness and disorder to truly see 

God's most perfect handiwork.

 1992

"The eye is the lamp of the body; 

so then if your eye is clear, 

your whole body will be full of light.

Matthew 6:22