Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Faith Hope and Love


Over the years Scotty has introduced us to many people that we are blessed today to call our very dearest friends. Through him we have met so many people that most likely, under different circumstances, we would never have had the opportunity to know.  

 He is without a doubt the best judge of a person’s character I have ever known. He is drawn to certain people like a magnet…it is as if he sees something in them that is not visible to the rest of us. He definitely has a type…good, gentle, kind, loving, understanding, accepting and faithful.  Most importantly, their hearts are open to receive his love and in return love him unconditionally.

 But he doesn’t like everyone… his judgment is immediate and it is final. He offers no second chances.  And we trust him completely…he has never been wrong.   Unfortunately over the years we have met a small handful of people, mostly school “professionals” who he absolutely did not like, and as soon as I met them I knew why…they weren’t his type…or mine.

 I truly believe that God has handpicked just for us the people we needed in our life to help us and guide us on this journey that we are on with Scotty.  Each person has been a marker in the road… a rest stop… a place to take shelter until a storm has passed.  They were there to hold onto us and give us the strength and the courage we needed so we could continue moving forward.   They were all placed in our world at a particular time to teach us, to laugh with us, to cry with us, to hold our hands and to love us…just love us. 

And there are many…so very many.

Today there are two in particular that are on my mind. 

We met them many years ago as we entered our church on a Saturday night. Scotty spotted a lady in a wheelchair wearing crazy socks and he was immediately drawn to her.  I could see it instantly as her eyes lit up and she reached for him. It seemed like she had been waiting just for him. And for the first time I felt it too…I saw what Scotty saw…we all did.  It was the light that was shining in her eyes that was so soft and warm and welcoming.  

So Scotty sat in the chair next to this sweet woman with the light in her eyes who had been waiting just for him, and held her hand throughout the mass. 

 In that moment, Gerry and her husband Bob became two of our very dearest friends.  

Through the last few years we have watched Gerry struggle with the progression of MS and several bouts of cancer. Watching her absorb each new bit of bad news, not with an attitude of Why Me, but with an attitude of Why Not Me, has given us all the strength to fight the good fight each day and to just be thankful for all of it…good and bad. 

She handled it all with a deep abiding faith, the love and care of her husband, her family, and a list of friends that would fill the pages of a very long book.  To Gerry and Bob everyday was a blessing, there was always a reason to be thankful and to remain positive.

 Sadly, last Sunday Gerry left us…she moved on and left us all with tears in our eyes. But through those tears there is much joy and happiness for our dear friend who is no longer in pain….and smiles…lots and lots of smiles full of memories and laughter.  That is exactly how she would want it to be.

And knowing she would most likely kick my ass for sounding so melancholy I am forced to add that this woman of great insight and such a strong faith also had a sense of humor that at times could make a sailor blush.  She loved red wine and was a ruthless card player.  In fact Bob’s smile for us today was picturing Gerry with half of Jesus’ Kingdom because she mercilessly beat him at dominoes.  And I have no doubt he’s right.

So February 19th, as Bob says, will always be Gerry went to heaven day.  And each day he reminds us to keep smiling because that is what Gerry would have wanted.  So through my tears I am smiling, and so thankful that God placed in our life these two incredible people to love us and to teach us exactly what the words Faith…Hope…and Love really mean.

Now when you ask Scotty where Gerry is he points towards heaven because that is what he has been taught.   I am not sure exactly how much he understands about this place we call heaven.  His eyes brighten up when we talk about it and I think maybe he believes it’s a place like Disneyland with Jesus leading the parade instead of Mickey.  


But he does understand that it is a place where his Grandma and Grandpas went and he can’t see them anymore.  And now Gerry, the sweet lady he met in church one day long ago who always brought him pizza is there too.





And tonight Scotty has one more angel watching over him.






And now these three remain: 
faith, hope and love. 
But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The I Love You Button




      Today is Valentine's Day...a day to say I love you to those who hold a special place in your heart. As soon as the Christmas displays came down in December the empty shelves rapidly filled up with candy, pink and red bears holding hearts, and artificial floral decorations.  Retailers are counting on the fact that we need some tangible sign of our Love.  They lead us to believe that saying "I Love You" is not enough.

     But it is enough..words are always enough.  
Words, spoken thoughtfully and carefully can have great power.  

    The average person's vocabulary consists of approximately five thousand words, so exactly how many words do you need to tell someone how you feel about them?  Twenty...fifty? Imagine instead you are only given a handful of words...which words would you choose?
     A handful of words is precisely what Scotty has been given and he didn't get to choose. Mama, Dada, bye bye, and a few others that only we can understand are the only words he has every spoken.  Oh...and Amen...miraculously enough this boy of so few words can say Amen...AMEN. 
    We have also been blessed with a mix of sounds that extraordinarily enough sounds a lot like... I Love You.  Powerful words...always accompanied with a huge smile and a hug or a kiss...He means them from his heart, no candy, flowers or stuffed animals needed.  

     Over the years we have explored numerous communication devices but, unfortunately we never found one that suited him. However, we recently purchased an Ipad along with a communication program called Taptotalk.   Tap to talk for the Ipad 
     With it we are able to choose pictures and phrases that hopefully give him the words he needs to help him communicate better.  With the tap of a button he can access pictures of familiar objects, activities, emotions, and people  all accompanied by the sound of my husband's voice.
     I thought the I Love You button would have been one of his favorites, but I was wrong.  He will usually only use it when we ask him to.  At first this puzzled me, but then I realized he doesn't need it.

                           It turns out the handful of words he has been given is enough...
                                                              ...It's always been enough.




Little Children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and truth.
1John 3:18
    




    

    

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Colonoscopies, Birthdays and Best Friends

     Intriguing title wouldn't you say?  What could those three things possibly have in common? I will tell you this...Scotty is the single strand of thread that binds this odd collection of topics together.

     Each year when my birthday rolls around in February my mailbox suddenly fills up with reminder cards for all the medical appointments I need to make.  Now that I have taken several giant steps into my fifties the cards seem to multiply exponentially each year.  So with dragging feet and dread in my stomach I make the reluctant journey to visit all those nice thoughtful doctors who are kind enough to send me "birthday" cards.   

     These annual visits involve poking, prodding and squishing of various parts of my rapidly aging body...Ahhh...but this year I had the thrill of experiencing my first colonoscopy.  For those of you who have had the pleasure... you understand all the joy and humiliation that comes with that, and for those of you that haven't... I will graciously let you experience that little bit of sunshine on your own without any further commentary from me.

     I hate it...I hate all of it, but I do it...every year...without fail because I don't have a choice.  My son needs me to be healthy and strong...he needs me to be responsible and do everything I possibly can so I can be around for as many birthdays as God sees fit to Bless me with.

     I do it for Scotty. 

    On this my fifty third birthday I find myself overwhelmingly grateful.  
...I am grateful for another year of good health...
...I am grateful for my family...
...I am grateful for best friends who get up at 6am to come stay with Scotty and make soup and angel food cake and egg sandwiches just so I can have a warm meal, made with love, waiting for me when I come back from unpleasant procedures...
... And this year I am even grateful for colonoscopies...mostly that it is over, but grateful nonetheless.

     So for me birthdays are not about presents and cake or complaining about getting older, instead they are a time to be thankful for my health, my family, for best friends who love my son unconditionally and most importantly another year I get to continue being Scotty's Mom.

"I have carried you since you were born;
I have taken care of you from your birth. 
Even when you are old, I will be the same. 
Even when your hair has turned gray, 
I will take care of you.                 
  I will sustain you and I will rescue you."             
   Isaiah 46:3-4

Friday, February 3, 2012

Groundhog Day

     Now that I have started this blog I am struggling with the organization and flow.  Do I begin at the beginning or do I focus on today?  I finally decided that this needs to be a little of both...some old and some new. In our world, though each day comes with new challenges and new experiences, most days are a repeat of the day before... the same words are spoken, the same routines are followed and the same cast of characters appears.  
     
     In the movie Groundhog Day the character Phil Connors wakes up each day anticipating a new start but finds himself reliving the same day over and over again.  Like Phil,  we wake up each day and take the opportunity to get it right.  We try hard to minimize the chaos. We measure our words and try to quiet the noise and find some peace. 

     Some days we get it right, but some days no matter how heroic our efforts...chaos reigns. 

     A small unexpected blip in the time continuum of the day...an unexpected knock at the door, a barking dog, a ringing telephone or an unmet demand and our much strived for calm turns instantly into pandemonium.  

      The uproar that follows sharply slices into the calm that had settled here and fills the walls of our home with the sounds of banging and yelling...and we are left to pick up the broken pieces of whatever was in Scotty's reach and try to piece back together this broken boy.

     So the old mingles with the new.  Although the intensity of these episodes has changed over the years from a 5 year old boy throwing a tantrum to a 25  year old man punching a hole in the wall...they are still the same. 

     They still come from the same place...it is a place of confusion and fear for Scotty in a world he doesn't completely understand and from a place of frustration at his inability to communicate.

    Unlike his 5 year old self, Scotty can no longer be soothed with a cookie and a hug and so we wait..
     ...for another day and another opportunity to get it right. 


 


Come to me, all who labor and 
are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
    Matthew 11:28